*screams* silently...gosh... having a mental breakdown... i cant think... thoughts are distorted... heart is heavy...
was great talking to San yst after Boulderactive '07. an amazing event yet a heartbreaking one for the both of us... pouring our thoughts and hearts out for different reasons... we smile, but it's to cover up for everything negative we suffer personally... we tear we cry we bitch we complain we whine... now it's time for us to push to fight to persevere to heal. easier said than done huh? wow... competitive sport: the great highs and the depressing lows... how these 1 1/2 yrs changed my life and upgraded it to a whole new level. i wouldn't change it for the world, definitely.
perhaps, what i wish for was to eliminate my fear of falling when climbing veritcal > perhaps then, i wouldn't crimp on holds so tightly > perhaps then, my fingers won't be injured > perhaps then, i'd be able to climb with more grip and confidence > perhaps then, i'd be able to perform better > perhaps then, i wouldn't feel like crap. i shouldnt have hit the rock wall... embarrassment... disgust... f***... ugh! such anger such frustration such irritation... damnit!!!
i can't think... or perhaps, i'm just thinking too much...
