Sing Me A Lullaby

It's just.. Weird..

still dunno how to express myself.. i don't understand the person i yearn to understand the most.. it feels like i'm stepping on thorns which prick..

and there's this guy.. he just stopped me in MPH and said 'hey, u look familiar' hmm.. ain't sure if tt's a pick up line or what. but weirdly, we stood in one of the aisles of books and chatted for abt 10 min or so. weird eh? seriously, i have no idea why he talked to me. he asked abt my field of studying, proceeded to tell me how econs ppl go on and become politicians. he asked abt my work, he told me abt his and he commented tt i looked sporty. perhaps after awhile he had nothing much to talk abt and sooo.. yup, he asked for my contact number! ta-da! bah.. being my naturally shy self, of course i politely declined. alright, guess u ppl are curious to how he looks like. well, late 20s early 30s ba with average looks. could he be a networker? insurance agent? or an admirer, perhaps? *shrugs* whahaha.. the last one sounds farrnie! oh well..

yay! finally met my Dearie Xin for dinner after waiting for her for an hour plus! haha, first time she let me treat her (after lotsa persuasion and confusion). after soooo many years, she's still too ke4 qi4 with me.. *tsk tsk* love love the bickerings we have and the silly things we say to each other. we used to go out so seldom during sch term, yet now when working, we see each other more =] yiPpEee-YaY!

got this from Grey's Anat. lurrve the way it's phrased:

. " Don't chase me, unless you're gonna catch me. "

Y Lulled to Sleep @ 11:17 PMY

My Weekends

Can't explain how impt they are to me. i can't stay home on these days. i need to go out. feel the life of activity bustling around me. feel the rush of energy and blood pumping in my body when i SHOP, EAT and CHILL.

thanks my dears, for your concern. it warms me to know ppl care =]

alrighty, let's move on. over the past 2 wks, i chilled out w the different gangs to spice my life. w Rach & JJ & gang. supposed to go Ben & Jerry's @ Dempsey Rd but it was full house.. bah! so we trodded down to Essential Brew @ Holland V. it was a very unhealthy afternoon tea with icecream and fried food and freezes!

then again, all the way to the west for a little boy's 8th birthday. cutez.. haven't played with little kids for some time and Jodie was adorable! she just woke up so was feeling shy when we took the photo but after she got warmed up, she was all smiles! had a go at 'flying a plane' too, but failed miserably.. be thankful i ain't a pilot. heh.. here's a little pilot in the making though.

with my JC buddies @ Waraku Pasta. a pity we couldn't hang out longer cos most of us had work the next day..

yummy-licious! here's the Raffles Hotel's snowskin with champagne truffles mooncakes! never really liked mooncakes till this came along. *slurps* from my boy to my family. i must have gained weight from all the bingeing plus it doesn't help that my colleagues force me to eat junk food so tt i'll feel sinful too..!! all those fats.. urghh.. anyway, HapPy MoonGek Day!

and the climbing camp peeps who blessed me with a great weekend and kept me occupied. boy, was i scared of getting chao-ta! i slapped on sunblock and got away with a mild tan.. whew! oh, and 4 of us were tourists for a day @ Sentosa! Adrian, Claud, San & I felt tourist-y =]

goofing around ><

Many more joined in the fun at a later time. ooh, the ultimate frisbee match got my muscles aching the day after! means i worked out =p

the bbq thereafter made me bloated 0^-^O sooo much food which was oh-so-yummy! usually i don't each much at a bbq. this one's sotong + dory fish + prawns + satay was a smashing hit! amazing stuff tt the climbers did *slurps*

ooh, and i cheered myself up by going to highlight my hair @ Hair Mechanics! got 25% since it was my birthday month (from Starhub), a free massage while they washed my hair and they turned on the massage chair. cool.. hmmm.. was initially quite afraid tt it'd turn out quite blond, but even after the stylist chose a light one for me, it turned out pretty dark. it's alright, cos i don't want the really bright kinda brown, but i'm happy =]

and yst, bro and i strolled to East Coast Park taking in the sea breeze and talking about lotsa things in our lives. it was really really sweet cos he's usually either too caught up in his games or out of the house. loved it!

my mind doesn't seem to be able to sleep..

takes very long for me to do so with all the thoughts keep churning in my head..

sometimes i think too much till i can't seem to breathe..

it chokes..

i'll feel like running away all the time

yet my feet have merged one with the ground, and i stay put..

i'll purge my mind from any expectations..

i'll need to find my guiding star..

Y Lulled to Sleep @ 11:15 PMY

Blessed w a Bestie..

what would i do without her? she rushed over. offered me hugs. lent me a listening ear. gave me tissues. granted me her shoulder to lean on. a blessing indeed..

i'm cracked.. the shadow vanishing.. it's haunting.. totally imcomprehensive.. unreasonable.. unbelievable.. without a trace..

and to add salt to the wound, class 95 just had to choose tt precise moment to play Savage Garden's truly madly deeply..

I must grow.. in so many ways.. but really, enough. big girls dont cry..

"Big Girls Don't Cry"

Fergie

Da Da Da Da

The smell of your skin lingers on me now

You're probably on your flight back to your home town

I need some shelter of my own protection baby

To be with myself and center, clarity

Peace, Serenity

[CHORUS:]

I hope you know, I hope you know

That this has nothing to do with you

It's personal, myself and I

We've got some straightenin' out to do

And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket

But I've got to get a move on with my life

It's time to be a big girl now

And big girls

don't cry

The path that I'm walking

I must go alone

I must take the baby steps 'til I'm full grown, full grown

Fairytales don't always have a happy ending, do they?

And I foresee the dark ahead if I stay

[CHORUS]

Like the little school mate in the school yard

We'll play jacks and uno cards

I'll be your best friend and you'll be my Valentine

Yes you can hold my hand if you want to

'Cause I want to hold yours too

We'll be playmates and lovers and share our secret worlds

But it's time for me to go home

It's getting late, dark outside

I need to be with myself and center, clarity

Peace, Serenity

Y Lulled to Sleep @ 11:46 PMY

Current mood: solemn

can't seem to find a way out of the intertwined interwoven vines.

Y Lulled to Sleep @ 11:17 PMY

Loss of words..

it seems like i'm becoming more quiet of late.
i dunno how to express myself, i dunno what to say.
everything's all choked up, yet the passage is clear.
some things seem so faraway yet in fact it's near.

i've tried twisting in and out just to break free,
but all i get is knots and ends which is just, so not me.
the cries are silent but the stillness so deafening,
such chaos that dissipates within.

those sand grains that were meant to trickle through,
seem to find their way back to close doors which are not locked.
the calm in this confusion has left me without a clue.

Y Lulled to Sleep @ 11:44 PMY

BuMMer..

these few days have been leaving work abt 8pm. not complaining tt i'm leaving late tho, just complaining tt i'm tired.. my direct superior is really nice, teaches me the steps and explains pretty well on how and why certain things are done. my colleagues are really farrrnie! everyday confirm laugh alot =] oh, and had lunch w RH too! she's really funny when she complains abt wat she does *grinz*

my boy's moving.. not shifting house but office location.. sheesh.. i don't like it.. they're weird.. and messy.. food ain't yummy..

i'm confused abt certain things.. not related to work..

blurry images that churn constantly
shadowy figures that glow luminously
silent words that are blurted out within
melted ice that becomes frozen in the sun
to feel so heavy when out open, in the light.

i think i need rest. goodnight world..

Y Lulled to Sleep @ 11:31 PMY

HAppiE BiRThDaY NitZ!

HapPy BiRthDay to this babe, who made me look forward to travelling home the past 2 yrs after a tiring day of training.

HappY BiRthDaY to this girl, who made others smile at her hair, at her words, at her.

HapPY birTHdAy to this lady who will become a great doctor in the future and will do great things for many.

HAPpy bIRthdAY to this dear who brought life and laughter into the lives of her family, of her frenz, of mine.

HaPPY BirTHDaY my dear friend.

Y Lulled to Sleep @ 11:40 PMY

In the Warmth..

with similar sentiments as SF: we start work on Mon, look forward to Wed, and thereafter Fri arrives just as quickly. while we don't dread work, the looking-forward-to-something-thinking makes time seem to past faster.

on Wed, i met up w Rach dear who doesn't need to be concerned with work since it was the sch hols. it's always a chill out session w her with lotsa talking and updates. really miss them alot since we used to study and lunch together alot back during Uni days.. *sobz* but we've agreed to meet up at least once a mth or perhaps even fortnightly! tt rocks =]

on Fri, it was to celebrate the 2 september babies with 7some.Tze and myself! ThAnKieS BaBeS!! and today is TZE's bday!HAppY BirThDay GiRL! we've had more than a decade of friendship and is still going strong! we had dinner in Charcoal @ St James. it was nice bbq-ing together and laughing about silly stuff as usual, but the dinner wasn't really worth the $23. we had to eat rice to keep ourselves full which was $2.50 per bowl! wish we spent more time talking nonsense and laughing ourselves silly, but we were all kinda tired. till our next meeting in 2wks time or so!

then on Sat afternoon, it was out w my dearest Xin! had my bday lunch @ Pasta Cafe which was pretty good and the portions were huge! also gave her a very belated bday prez but it's something tt she thought was unattainable and i got it a damn good bargain..a Nine West bag at 50% off! *drrrools* i lurrrve it too. heh.. no super branded items just yet, gotta earn more first =] we then proceeded on for shopping! if only our stomachs were big enough just to fill in more desserts, tt'd be great! hehe.. Xin dear was a lil' sick yet still spent time w me! sweeeetS! ooh, looking at her pic, it seems like she's squished in b/w the couple.. oops!

later in the evening was Nit's 21st BdaY! climbers are best at entertaining ourselves, the games tt the bday girl most happily provided, watch not included cos it was our gift to her!

the usual gang who are the most humorous, crazy peeps when you lump them together!

the more sane ppl are seated in front =ppresenting the BdaY BaBE!

on Sunday, it was Climb On @ Tampines! Feng, Liying, Nit and I were the most ardent supporters of Team NUS. non-participants yet cheering and hoping tt each attempt the competitors made were their best,to top the route.

TEAM NUS!

*HEARTS*

Y Lulled to Sleep @ 9:54 PMY

A GReaT WeeK

was really great meeting up w the diff ppl this whole week. a string of activities lined up with lovely company! (photos to come soon..) my first weekend w/o my boy who went overseas shopping *boohoo* but coincidentally i was kept busy having fun myself =]

i think a healthy relationship is one where each has their own buncha frenz, yet able to mingle as a whole, but ultimately, the 2 involved have their hearts firmly linked together. making time for each other, is also especially important when there are many ongoing events.

oh well, i had lotsa fun this weekend. spent time w my dearie bestie! and also the lovely gang of climbers! WoOTs~!

Y Lulled to Sleep @ 11:44 PMY

SoMeTiMeS

Sometimes, it simply just aches to think
To wonder how that beautiful illusion turned extinct.
Sometimes, those salty drops that trickle down
Inflict more damage than it may sound.
Sometimes, when a beautiful stranger saunters by
Let those winds caress but keep soarin high.
Sometimes, as nightmares, sweet dreams haunt at night
That irony sparks off memories that still feel so right.
Sometimes, unfathomable poison grips the heart
But blessed with serenity, it embraces a pristine start.
Sometimes, to emancipate grains of sand that will never be
Harbours the quitessence of happiness to fly free.
--SumMeR '05

i just visited Friendster again cos some frenz had left me msgs in there. then i saw this poem in my profile. one tt i had written sometime in June 2005. a sudden flashback. a sigh of relief. a slight curve up at my lips. tt year was a pretty tumultuous one for me. 2 years on, and my life has changed pretty much.

the experiences accumulated over 22 years have enriched my life, have moulded me over time, have changed my perspectives of certain things.

the same old, yet brand new. to relive the memories, yet to create fresh ones. i'm not regretting, just reminiscing but still looking forward.

Y Lulled to Sleep @ 11:24 PMY

Nothing Short of AMAZING

hmm.. perhaps my expectations weren't v high or that he was v caught up w work, but it's neither, cos i never expected it.. he had to go to work on a Sunday and we were to meet at Bedok in the evening n then proceed to dinner. i was thinking: huh? celebrate so close to home tho i knew he'd bring me somewhere nice. Blue Lobster @ Frankel was the little place tucked away in a corner tt packed good food.

initially we were abit ticked off by the reduced varieties as some had just been sold out to the few tables beside us, but as the evening grew on, we relaxed in each other's company. he put his little finger out, and i was told to do the same. then he said, 'i promise you'll be happy tonight'. it was obvious tt he had planned sth, but it was alr 8pm, what could he do? as we strolled our way to Siglap and turned into Cheesecake Cafe, i thought perhaps we were to meet his frenz. then i saw a few very familiar faces, and more started to register.. then i saw a whole buncha climbing mates!

*screams* couldn't believe my eyes. my jaws dropped, my eyes teared, and my body was immobile just staring at them and smiling. this was the best surprise of my life.. ever! the scene was so cute, everyone was just talking in their little little groups, mingling chatting laughing. all the dearies from diff parts of SG came down to the East! *BEEG hugggies* THANKS so much you guys! he knew this was my fave cheesecake, and he had it specially ordered for me! vanilla chocolate chip cheesecake. totally yummy-licious *droolsss* thankies baby =] and the climbers got for me Chanel 4 eye shadow collection. so prrreeetty! thankies u guys!

it was truly wonderful. look at the great company i had! (oops, jss ur face is covered!)

just wanna thank all you peeps for coming down yet again. to those near and far, to those i seldom see and to those i've seen recently. to everyone, i appreciate it LOTS! lurrrve all of ya!

thank you dear Nita, for helping him with all the planning!

and of course, a big thank you to my silly boy for being simply amazing!

Presents for the day. all of which i adore alot. look at the photoframe sis made for me > stunning! love the earrings my parents gave too ( it's on my ears alr!)

THANK YOU one and all for all the birthday wishes! shall meet up with you all soon!

Y Lulled to Sleep @ 10:32 PMY

Happy Birthday to ME! =]

Y Lulled to Sleep @ 11:59 PMY

ugh...

i hate being ultra-sensitive when i''m all pms-y and stuff.. jeeezzz.. it sux la.. hmmph.. so angry w myself for not being stronger..

i also wanna be more independent.. less in need of seeing my partner, and being compatible w his timings when he wants and can meet me. angry w myself still.. he also has to work 6hours on a blurrdy Sunday, which is like on my bday. his company v dumb one lo. inefficiency.. they just stuff all the workload on a few ppl. sometimes monetary compensation just ain't enuf.. dumb management.. duh!