Sing Me A Lullaby

Thx FreNz...

the people who supported me thru the ordeal. for listening, for cheering, for encouraging. thx to feng for caring. thx to san too, for sharing. the road ahead is long and winding, it's so tough.. but i gotta hang on, i gotta fight on, i gotta climb on..

some wacky faces for comic relief, to lighten up the mood in here

Y Lulled to Sleep @ 1:46 AMY

SomeWhere

Y Lulled to Sleep @ 4:40 PMY

*screams* silently...

gosh... having a mental breakdown... i cant think... thoughts are distorted... heart is heavy...

was great talking to San yst after Boulderactive '07. an amazing event yet a heartbreaking one for the both of us... pouring our thoughts and hearts out for different reasons... we smile, but it's to cover up for everything negative we suffer personally... we tear we cry we bitch we complain we whine... now it's time for us to push to fight to persevere to heal. easier said than done huh? wow... competitive sport: the great highs and the depressing lows... how these 1 1/2 yrs changed my life and upgraded it to a whole new level. i wouldn't change it for the world, definitely.

perhaps, what i wish for was to eliminate my fear of falling when climbing veritcal > perhaps then, i wouldn't crimp on holds so tightly > perhaps then, my fingers won't be injured > perhaps then, i'd be able to climb with more grip and confidence > perhaps then, i'd be able to perform better > perhaps then, i wouldn't feel like crap. i shouldnt have hit the rock wall... embarrassment... disgust... f***... ugh! such anger such frustration such irritation... damnit!!!

i can't think... or perhaps, i'm just thinking too much...

Y Lulled to Sleep @ 10:45 PMY

Holding back...

the tears tt are brimming on the edge.. threatening to fall yet i blink them back yet again.. i dun wanna think abt it, but i wanna be alone, n thus i think.. n i've gotta blink again.. multiple times.. i wanna be strong, i wanna put on a smile.. but it's so forced it hurts.. my heart wrenches.. yes, my love has let me down again.. not tt of a person though.. this is tt of one tt surpasses any love i've felt before.. tt of climbing.. the perseverence the determination the endurance the passion the rage the frustration the madness the awe but of course, there's also the peace.. and that, is what i lack.. there's a million things churning in my head, and i can't pinpoint which one but all chose to cause the start of a waterfall.. yet again.. which i thought was over.. i grabbed Nit to go for a walk, cos i wanna hide from the rest.. hide from the stares.. the criticisms.. the worry.. the sadness.. yeah, i'm thinking too much again.. i can't help it.. i need an avenue to let it out, n i can't hold back any longer.. charl surprised me with a lovely red flower, complete w my name n 2 simple words 'cheer up' + a smiley face. damnnn sweet.. n i thought i was fine after tt, meeting silly bum n all.. apparently not.. was just witholding more to come.. gritting my teeth, clenching my fists, trying to smile.. all failed.. n in the end, i'm just a sponge, which absorbed too much, n left dripping.. boy, does it hurt!

Y Lulled to Sleep @ 1:07 AMY

Diversity

my darling siblings... really miss them when they aren't home... sometimes bf/gf/frenz... we've all grown up, but not grown apart, just that we've each got our own individual spaces to explore and discover. hmm... the house is kinda quiet today. youngest bro went to NCC camp, and the younger one went to stay at a friend's house after passing out from BMT. coming friday, sis won't be home at night too... for me, i think i wont be home tues night, staying over at PS to take care of climbing stuff... why? Boulderactive is coming! excited*jumps up* but scared*biting fingers*!

Wheee~ >

Oooh~ >

< Aaah~

Y Lulled to Sleep @ 2:17 AMY

Zouk

heh, just to entertain u guys =] this shows how bad a drinker i am > see how red i've turned?! but yes, i'm already slightly red before i drink, n very tanned too... hah, hmm... i drank Long Island (can't rem if this was the name of the potent mix), tiger beer (which is Charl's fave), vodka lime and 1 tequila shot. all in really small sips, really! ok, i may look red but i was clearly sober, only towards the end past 3am when Vince was taking a really long time to drive back after sending Ed n Charl back. so i started talking really loudly cos i had a headache n was pretty frustrated waiting so long. (oops... tt was cos someone was really worried abt me) but it was a fun night out with the guys cos it was kinda long since i last clubbed with frenz other than my cousins. oh and it was to celebrate a fren's bday, so they ordered more drinks than they usually did, n the guys were pretty high. '1st time' they claimed! hehe! a before n after shot w Charl 2 hours apart... (vince was blocking clara =\ )

BeFore >

After >

Y Lulled to Sleep @ 12:56 AMY

PreSSure...

i realised that heaping too much pressure on myself can lead to my downfall.. 'i WANT to complete it' is different from 'i CAN do it'. the former is pressure and the latter is expectations. indeed, who doesn't have expectations of themselves, i've lowered mine, but i'm still not happy w myself. i can't come to terms with it. i'm like 'was what i had achieved just a dream tt has thus gone up in flames?!' i can't deny tt i'm disappointed and frustrated, but it's mostly w my lack of ability to forget abt some pollutant in my head. my lack of confidence makes my hands tremble and my knees weak. i need to get back what i lost.. only 2 wks to train my physical, tt's hard, but mentally, i need to be strong enough to conquer my fear, and lack of confidence, and this, is possible.

PeaR FamiLy

on a happier note, i guess i gotta clarify all this commotion about who are the imposters, and who are the official members, and yet-to-be-certified ones. haha, well, this exclusive group is by invitation only as decided by the Pear Ringleader, who started it when she put 'her' pic on her msn. we go through a 'ceremony' of sorts, and until all official members have agreed and the certification successful, then this special person will be considered as one of the pear members. but until then, there are only 4 pears. when the full pear family is formed, i will post up their individual 'pictures' for all to see. so those in the queue or outside the waiting list, just be ur original self. in the meantime, is my blog gonna be a fruits gathering of sorts? *grinz*

oh n 7somez are planning a grad trip to Australia in early MAY! WooOooHooO~ i hope this matrialises! *cross fingers* Sydney and Melbourne! sounds like great fun! i can't wait! gotta start planning, but with all my deadlines of projects and assignments and presentations due, where do i find time?! *racks my brains for an answer* jeez.. guess i just gotta prioritise my time.. girls, we gotta meet up soon! love ya'll!

Y Lulled to Sleep @ 12:39 AMY

Feng's Bday

hey feng! so sorry forgot abt ur bday... yikes! HApPieeee BeLateD BirThDAY~!!! oops... anyway, just a shoutout to u for being such a great capt and an inspiration to the team! woohoo~ climb hard but be safe! dont let liying worry abt ya... teehee... n thx for ur concern all this while =] is always great talking to u. take care buddy!

Y Lulled to Sleep @ 9:08 PMY

ugh!

need to be mentally stronger... have more faith... believe in myself... just go for it... no hesitation... he doesn't know me... he shouldn't/ can't judge me... i know myself better... i may have fallen back behind the pack... but my physical handicap will only push me forward... cos i ain't giving up... still trying... still fighting...

p.s. thx dearest Nit for being there! so glad for ur presence/ company =]