Sing Me A Lullaby

Officially... frenZ

finally spoke to him abt everything tt has been happening, or perhaps rather the lack of it. was kinda hard for me just to call him and speak to him or even broach the topic. but yup, can't keep thinking of it yet doing nothing about it which will make me feel even worse..

i guess i feel better now. no waiting, no expecting, no hoping. i cant really decipher my feelings though, but due to being let down time and again, my expectations dwindled and so did my feelings which started to diminish.. oh well, told him tt if ever he wants to rekindle anything, or when he is finally sure of what he wants, then things shall hafta start from zero. initially, he was reluctant to consider us being frenz as he believed that there'd be even less chances that we could work things out.. but the thing is that i don't even see where we are heading to now.. i don't feel like i'm being courted, i'm feeling sad and frustrated, and i'm feeling like i'm being taken granted for (which is like the worse feeling in the world..) jeez..

after more talking (from me) and many quiet moments to let him think through stuff, he apologized for making me feel miserable.. could feel his pain but i couldn't back down, for it was affecting me too much.. he also needed assurance that if we were frenz we could still continue to go out, and of course i ain't ruling tt out since we ain't enemies in the first place.. he also said that as he needed time to see when he was sure about starting a r/s, he was kinda selfish by making me wait. the issue here is neither about being selfish nor abt being in a r/s, cos i don't mind waiting and i don't wanna rush into things.. the main point is tt while i'm waiting, it's tiring and frustrating and depressing and disappointing.. if i were happy even while waiting, i wouldn't mind but it's not the case at all.. jeez.. but boy, did it still hurt when i told him how sad he had made me feel for the past mth since his return.. the tears and the quivering of my voice, gave the unmistakable indication of what i feel/felt for him..

well, guess things are better this way. it already is, cos we're msgin each other in a light-hearted tone =] no expectations, no strings attached.. shall just see what time will bring me..